Like whining, fleece, when does voting end?

And fleece, there's another entry on the 256 site, are you gonna let it into the poll?

fleece ... seriously, thanks for emceeing this thing, and 256 for providing the virtual location.

About the book thing, yeah, let's do that! My cover submission was only done because:

1. I've acquired Photoshop since the last WFC, thus proving that power corrupts, and
2. I wanted to give TPD's cover, which obviously kicks ass, a little company up there on the site/poll. Cam's is great too with a more lighthearted take on what could be a very grim topic. Is that the last grizzly (he was reborn in fiberglass form)?

I haven't read all the entries yet, so I'll save the critiques for later in the week when all the authors are going insane from compulsively reloading (or is that just me ...)

--
Do not misuse.

I apologise to any of who whose stories I didn't like.  I don't know who wrote any of these, so here's my take.

Anniversary
5 out of 10 

Failed to compel.

Terzanelle to the Departed Beloved
5/10

Ummm ya.  Okay.

It stuck in my tar.  Too much sticky road crack glue imagery. 

Creative, but odd.

September Dreaming
6/10

Interesting.  Almost half of it could have been done away with, and I don’t like the conversational first person style, but it has potential.

The thing that conflicts me on this piece is I am unsure if my emotion in regards to the tragic event it references is the source of the potential this story has or if it’s the writing.

Any rate, some editing and more of a “memoir” style instead of the conversational style could make this one a great little story.

The Resurrection Men Hall of Fame
7/10

Fun little story, a little bit dry.  Leaves you wanting more, and better exclamations.  The news-paper style writing is interesting.

Danny & Jules
6/10

Well, this story certainly went in a direction that I hadn’t expected.  It was……good.  While I wasn’t enamored with the story itself, the writing was excellent.

Next Time, Last time
4/10

No idea what’s going on, or why.  Characters are not compelling, and I feel nothing during or after the reading other than “what the hell?”   While it seems to be popular to be mysterious with these stories, I gotta say giving someone a little clue wouldn’t hurt.

Agency
9/10

Vibrant, well written, compelling.  Hell of a good job.

one-twenty
5/10

I like this one, its well written, but as with some of these I have no freaking idea what the hell is going on.  Perhaps it’s just me that’s daft.  I don’t know.  I imagine there is a story in there somewhere, but I don’t know where.

Egg
8/10

Heh, fun little story, well written.  Mysterious, but no so much that it frustrates.  Well done.

Do Zombie Souls Count Electric Sheep?
2/10
Short and a rather poor effort.  It is more like a drunken priests ramblings than anything.  It reads like a half-assed sermon.

Homecoming
7/10
An interesting story, well written.  I enjoyed it.

Lather…
7/10

The broken mind of a killer.  Well done.

John 3, 1-5
8/10

Well done and thought provoking.  Needs a little polish, but not much.  Very nice.

Single
5/10

Well written, although I fear that the writer is relaying a drunken/stoned conversation he’s had on the Underground.

"I don't have enough middle fingers to communicate my feelings to you." --clover kicker

Thanks much to FLEECE for organizing and handling the contest.  Well done.

Gedvondur
"I don't have enough middle fingers to communicate my feelings to you." --clover kicker

You have the gratitude of a thankful web site.

anniversary - not bad. care was taken. interesting twist. competent.
Terzanelle to the Departed Beloved - not my cup of tea, but different so kudos there
September Dreaming - trippy with a clever twist. good work
The Resurrection Men Hall of Fame - the style is not something I'd normally like, but this is so very well done. After reading it through for concept, i re-read it to enjoy the craft, and loved it on a different level. delicious. i'm impressed. I can't even pinpoint what I like about it. it's just really good. A work of art.
Danny and Jules - okay
Next Time, Last Time - okay
Agency - i liked it, but it was kind of fucked up. the author is a feeler. strange but interesting.
one-twenty - The David Lynch-esque approach to chronological disorder and inference made me seasick. I liked it anyway.
Egg - likeable.
Do Zombie Souls Count Electric Sheep? - drugs
Homecoming - enjoyed it. well paced, easy to read, interesting. I'd have no problems with this winning
Lather - WTF? drugs?
John 3, 1-5 - intelligent. has substance. I feel like i should have enjoyed it more than i did. maybe i couldn't sympathise with the characters enough or some such.
Single - The way you use words, the rhythm, the dialogue, it's so good! i'm okay if you win even though it was so fucking late past the deadline. can we do lunch?

I'm not one writing mass reviews, so I'll just point out my two favorites.

For me, "John 3: 1-5" was the story to beat this time out. I wasn't immediately grabbed by work when I first read it; but it was the story that, for me, most rewarded re-reading and intense attention. This is a pro-grade, ambitious work. The dialogue is mannered, but saved by the author's awareness of just what it needs to convey. The story doesn't move along so much as it rolls in and out of the reader's attention like waves in a rising tide. Amazing stuff.

I was also taken with the wonderful, thoughtful "Denny and Jules." Often, given the short nature of these things and the expectation they will be read quickly by an audience with divided attention, the writers (myself included) rely on bold strokes, grand gestures, and almost pulp-style twists and gimmicks. Nothing's wrong with using these strategies. In fact, the consistently high quality of the stuff we get shows just how powerful these elements can be when used well. But, I enjoyed "D&J" for taking a quieter route. This is effective, genuine, sympathetic drama, with a twist that wouldn't have been necessary, but still adds, rather than detracts, from the merits of the story.

Whoever these two authors are, I think you both did a hell of a job.

Apologies to anybody who's offended by what follows; just a sentence or two about each story.

• Anniversary: creepy in an engaging way.
• Terzanelle: nice poetry; solid but could use a bit of work; e.g. 'tar' rhyming with itself 3 lines later.
• Sept. Dreaming: The nightmare quality is very engaging, and perhaps the best (or only?) way to write about that horrible experience.
• Resurrection men: Um, huh. The style is off-putting at first, but kind of grows on you.
• Danny & Jules: cool story, rather convincingly done from a difficult point of view. Did I miss something, or did this fail to address the "death and rebirth" theme?
• NTLT: Surreal nightmare of a broken man, who's not even very coherent.
• Agency: Nice portrayal of an asshole of a character. Paper self-help guru (but aren't they all?)
• One-twenty: Very cool story.
• Egg: I said to myself, Self? Why didn't we think of the phoenix myth, instead of vampires or Highlander fanfic, or political movements? And a very nice twist on the phoenix myth it is.
• Zombie souls: interesting concept, barely begun.
• Homecoming: Nice little story, a whole life told in 2k words.
• Lather: drug hallucination? I found it bothersome to figure out what to do with an RTF file on my solaris machine.
• John 3 etc: Cool take on the Highlander thing.
• Single: drunken philosophy on the subway.
• She Said: Wet dream.

Can you introspect out loud? --CRwM

The Ressurection Men Hall of Fame

can't help but be drawn in by the style of writing. it's kind of cruel the way the author piques the reader with so many threads that are never going to be drawn out, let alone drawn together. still, it's done with such consistency that it doesn't feel unfinished.

i'll eat my hat if this isn't by CRwM.

Danny and Jules

i can't say i entirely get the twist at the end (if it is even a twist). but this piece has the most interesting and fully-formed characters of any i've yet seen in a WFC. if votes were ordered, this would be my top pick.

i have no idea who it's by.

one-twenty

i'm not sure that the ending of this piece really works as an ending. more than with any of the others, this feels like an excerpt from a longer work, but the style is so strong and palpable that i can't say i care.

i have my suspicions fleece is the author of this one.

---

now to go peek and see if my guesses are right.

because i can.
---
_{I don't think anyone's ever really died from smoking. --ni}

I hope I don't offend anyone, with unasked-for and detailed concrit. I really think this is the best bunch of stories yet, and I still haven't decided which ones to vote for.

• "Anniversary": Great line that kind of sums up Courtney's view of the relationship: "At two months of dating, it had ceased to be entirely charming, but wasn't yet infuriating." For me, the twist came a bit too quickly, and the POV switch at the end seemed a bit abrupt. The details of the date were well-chosen, though, to the point that I could practically see their table.
  
• "Terzanelle to the Departed Beloved": Some interesting imagery throughout, and I like the overall theme - the release for one that another's death can give. The rhyme scheme bothers me somewhat, and the repetition of words like "tar." The scansion seems a bit off (though I must say that I haven't counted syllables and stresses).
  
• "September Dreaming": There are beautiful and incredibly poignant images in this story, and I like the conceit of September 11 as a collective dream. The poetry of the language is interrupted at times by the conversational interruptions, though, and I think the story may be stronger by sticking to the stream-of-consciousness without the calling attention of the narrator's relating a dream.
  
• "Resurrection Man Hall of Fame": I'm not sure what to say about this one because I feel like I should have liked it more than I do. It's well-written and clever, though dense. Perhaps the paragraph length adds to the perceived density. I do like the style of an academic-type review of the museum and the phenomenon.
  
• "Danny and Jules": I very much enjoyed this story. The details were well-chosen, and I really had no idea what was coming. The POV of Danny was also well-done, as the reader kind of buys the notion that he might be slow or just nuts because of his obsessions. The ending is a bit unclear, but not to the point that it's frustrating, and it does work in that Danny's "voice" remains consistent.
  
• "Next Time, Last Time": The language in this one is incredibly evocative, and the atmosphere created is the most powerful part of the story. The characters feel a little slippery, and it would have been nice to get something a bit more concrete about Eli. His grief does come through almost painfully. I must admit that I really don't understand the plot, though.
  
• "Agency": This is a nice vignette with some interesting imagery, but I feel like the ending kind of comes out of nowhere. Also, while I like the use of psychobabble, it seems forced at times, and awkwardly used.
  
• "One-Twenty": I'm not sure I really "get" this story, but it's another one where the language is amazingly evocative and the atmosphere dead-on perfect. I'm not sure how the bit about the tsunami fits in, but I'm not sure it really matters. I also love the line in the first paragraph: blowjobs + sour taste in ones mouth==amusing.
  
• "Egg": I'm surprised that this was the only phoenix story in the lot, and I like the twist on the "phoenix as agent of good" idea that I had (mostly from Harry Potter, I admit). The dialogue is especially well-done, and I wish that, at the end, there had been more dialogue and less exposition. I also love the description of the phoenix - I can really see her, in her cage, pissed off.
  
• "Do Zombie Souls Count Electric Sheep?": +1 Zombies, I suppose. This little vignette touches on some interesting themes, and I wish they'd been fleshed out more.
  
• "Homecoming": This is a poignant story, and I like the interspersing of the tape with Annie's reactions. The ending on this one worked, too, flowing in with the rest of the story, though I think it should have ended a paragraph sooner. Also, I got a little spatially confused - 3rd floor, 1st floor, 2nd floor. Perhaps a line between finding the tape on the 3rd floor and then going to play it would have solved that problem.
  
• "Lather": An intriguing concept that could've been carried out further. The writing is vivid (I particularly like the line "Always seemed wrong to fuck with a man's pants," though I don't get what the italicized lines are for - they seem to take away from the narrative rather than add to them. It seems that they are mysterious for the sake of being mysterious.
  
• "John 3, 1-5": I'm intrigued by the plot of this one, especially the take on the negative sides of immortality. There's something about the story that feels, I don't know, vague - perhaps it's the exposition. There are scenes that are powerfully described, but there is more "telling" than "showing" in places, as in the description of how cells grow. The language is poetic and lovely, but some of the sentences are long enough that I needed to read them more than once.
  
• "Single": I like the way this story is structured as a dialogue (I love dialogue-driven stories, for the most part). I kind of get the philosophical underpinnings of the story, but it doesn't really go anywhere.
  
• "She Said": This story is a lot of fun to read. The rhythm of the dialogue is near perfect, especially with the non-traditional dialogue tags. The one bit that strikes me as off, that makes me think I could be missing something crucial, is the parenthetical in the 4th paragraph: "What could I say? Then, I mean." What is later? What changes?

--
Continue to lean until you feel gravity threatening to discipline you for being stupid. - CRwM

Spoilers.

anniversary. I don't know if this one sits together as a whole, but I liked the suggestion at the end that he'll be back next year. To me it made him more of an eccentric than a psycho.

Terzanelle to the Departed Beloved. Thank you for teaching me what a terzanelle is. I couldn't find a voice to read this in where it would flow; I found it halting. Nevertheless I think the entire poem is worthwhile for the phrase "when you died, it was my rebirth".

September Dreaming. I admit I didn't pay a lot of attention to the first half of this story, as the everyday details set up a diary entry vibe. That made the corner it turns in the middle - "And here's the strangest part of the dream" - impact all the more though. It cut to the quick, all of a sudden. I don't have a big connection to that event, but I was suprised how hard the second half of that story hit me. A vote went here.

The Resurrection Men Hall of Fame. This is the story I enjoyed the most. That detached, curatorial eye running over slightly caricatured faded old-timey Americana: I loved it.  It reminded me of The Simpsons' episodes of John Swartzwelder. School-of-CRwM at the very least, probably an original.

Danny and Jules. I liked the character sketch of the obsessive compulsive Danny, but I think I missed the ending.

Next Time, Last Time. I picked up the Biblical vibe - all Hebrew names? Oh apparently Susan's Egyptian - but ended up a bit confused about the exact setting. It worked, but I felt like I was missing something the story wasn't designed for me to miss.

Agency. There's a lot to like about this. If I had to gripe, motivational speakers seem like an easy target.

one-twenty. "While he’s asking freedom fighters if they think they’ll ever seen their families again, I’ll be feeding his cat and emptying his letterbox." I don't really have any suggestions beyond a full stop in the second paragraph. It's a very well-controlled piece of writing. I'm glad I read it, but in the end I didn't vote for it. Maybe September Dreaming had already drained my always perilously low sympathy reservoir.

Egg. I hadn't run into the thing where the phoenix (somewhat) takes after the creature that raises it. That was cool. I voted for it.

Do Zombie Souls Count Electric Sheep? Personally I liked this short musing on zombie existence. All this resurrection talk did scare up the bible quotes, eh?

Homecoming. Like one-twenty, this is another finely written story which I didn't vote for because of my personal biases - specifically it wasn't funny and I felt the ending was obvious. I could imagine the scene with her listening to the tape recorder, and her brother waiting outside the door though. I enjoyed reading about their ritual.

Lather. I don't get the significance of the title, but I'm happy to just go with the man-eating / vampire B-horror vibe. In that spirit there's actually a nice black joke or two here - ".. as I was finishing off my thai."

John 3, 1-5. It's good. Jeremy Bentham as Highlander (vampire?) thing. Never trust a utilitarian. Their efforts to kill themselves did seem a bit half-hearted though. When you're immortal, jumping into a fire is less a suicide attempt than a cry for help. Instead, why not try strapping yourself to a H-bomb?

Single. This is ok, but I've a feeling it was written in a bit of a rush.

She Said. "She read with a deadly drive and an unshakable half understanding." I reckon all fictional treatments of philosophical problems through dialogue run the risk of form contradicting function. If you don't dramatise the problem itself, the characters and setting can be needless adornment on what is just a watered down philosophical essay. Single has a bit of this problem too. Hmm, but back on She Said, that's probably a bit harsh on a story where a frigging gun is waved around in the middle. At any rate it seems a bit of an abstract justification for having kids. Also: do people really think the main character? Where he spends so much time in spin control over what he's saying to his girl? That's a genuine question, not a criticism as such.

_{The Political Science Department of the University of Woolloomooloo}

My subjective takes on the entries. Mild spoilers, I guess.

1. Anniversary A neat idea, well executed. I like how "fucking psycho" becomes a term of endearment. I usually need every last word allotted to finish my entry, so I liked how tight this one was.
2. Terzanelle to the Departed Beloved A potentially neat idea, not so well executed, but I can't say I could have done better.
3. September Dreaming I'm mixed about this one. Writing dreams is tricky and while it started off well, I think the narrator doth protest the dreaminess a tad too much. Though partway through it's revealed that the narrator is female, personally I think it would have been more effective if it had been left a sort of "everyperson" point of view. I also didn't get much of a "rebirth" vibe ... despite all this, I lingered over this story for quite a while. It has a haunting quality.
4. The Resurrection Men Hall of Fame Entertaining despite its lack of plot. I like the contrast of the academic/documentary style with a kind of semi-stream-of-consciousness in the way that it jumps from topic to topic.
5. Danny and Jules The Curious Incident of the Groundhog in the Night-Time. I wasn't too keen on the twist/ending, but without it, it doesn't really hit the theme.
6. Next Time, Last Time I confess I was confuzzled by this one. I think it would have helped if it was a little more grounded in time and place (even if an imaginary one), and some more gaps filled in, even if obliquely.
7. Agency You go, Henry -- that's some motherfucking Agency. The characters were really well done in this one.
8. One-Twenty I liked the disjointed, loosely linked style. Snappy prose. Lots of death, some birth, not all that much rebirth per se, but I didn't mind.
9. Egg The most traditional/literal "rebirth" of the lot, but a good treatment of it; there's a lot to be said for not getting too fancy with the theme. I found the Husi references a little distracting. I am a sucker for endings that bring things full circle, though, and this theme is perfect for it.
10. Do Zombie Souls Count Electric Sheep? As others have said, it seems incomplete. Also, I really wanted the title to be something like "Do Zombies Dream of Sheep Brains?" but that's just me.
11. Homecoming A solid story, intriguing premise, but so low-key it sort of fails to stand out.
12. Lather ... The WFC3 neck-and-apparently-the-rest-of-the-body bite story.
13. John 3, 1-5 I liked the opening and ending, wavered on the middle a bit. I saw it as a vampire story because if any WFC was going to have vampires in it, it should be this one. Sorry if I'm off the mark there.
14. Single More concept than story as such. I have had that conversation (OK, maybe not that exact conversation). Wish there had been just a little more resolution.
15. She Said Like everyone else, I liked the rhythm of the narrative, but felt it didn't quite get to rebirth unless you fill in the other half of the story.

--
Do not misuse.

woohoo!

cam
Freedom, liberty, equity and an Australian Republic

I've been lurking on this site for MONTHS and I had to get an account because the story was that great and I had to make sure it "won".

Excise the husi reference that felt clumsy and it's better than 90% of the fiction out there.

anniversary It was fine, and better than I thought at the outset.  I liked the premise, but it suffered from opening exposition.

Terzanelle to the Departed Beloved This isn't quite a terzanelle, in that it the lines repeated in a formal terzanelle (middle line of first stanza becomes the ending line of the next stanza, and so it - it's a bitch to pull off) are suggested, but not used verbatim.  Some previous comments have objected to the re-used rhyme, but no, that's at least suggestive of the form.  "The terzanelle is a good form for the recovering obsessive-compulsive who has been able to put down the villanelle without hurting themselves."  A miss in execution, but still managed to convey the idea that the speaker was better off for the dead being dead.  Okay, not so subtle with the message, but a game try.

September Dreaming I skimmed it.  I need linearity.  I'm shallow like that.

The Resurrection Men Hall of Fame I loved this, but them, I'm amused by The House of Clocks.  For some reason the line The British press, which was used to having their Gilbert and Sullivan-informed ideas of the Far East pandered to by Robertson, found Yuanyong unconvincing cracked me up. 

Danny and Jules This could have been a contender, but there was too much exposition for my taste.  Also, I wasn't sure what would make Jules act the way she did.  Danny's quirks and Jules' attraction could have been demonstrated in dialog.  What I liked a whole fucking lot was the premise that he's not OCD, he's right.

Next Time, Last Time Um, okay.  There was too much missing for me to get a clue.

Agency  What?  A gay couple with a Greatful Dead tie-dye on the wall?  No fabulous apartment in chrome?  Thank you, thank you, thank you for that.  In a short piece there was some breath in these guys and a sense of their history.  Not entirely buying the ending, but who knows? 

one-twenty This had a lot of elements that I liked.  In fact, I thought it was cool, liked the hints of the build between sections and then Tess.  Who is Tess?  Dog.  Okay.  Stage five of what?   Summary: cool, cool, Cool, cool, lost me

Egg  Agree with previous comments.  HuSi references dragged it down.  Otherwise, interesting.  I think it's been ahead because several folks like it in addition to something else, sort of like how the Booker Prize goes to the commitee members collective second favorite.

Do Zombie Souls Count Electric Sheep?  I prefer spicy brains.

Homecoming  There are a lot of cool details in this, like her needing to hear it on the crappy tape player, not the big stereo.  This has a cool premise, but it didn't grab me.  Can't quite say why.

Lather  To be honest I don't think I read it on first reading.  My eyes moved over the page, but other than the taste of the icecream  man and the bit about not fucking with a man's pants, I missed the point.   I liked this better on the second reading, and think I got it.  It's funny.

John 3, 1-5  Stylized in a way that worked.  Cool.  A little uneven.  The opening section about the opening to the joke was my favorite bit.  The ending was, I don't know, too nice for my taste.  I would like better the unfulfilled desire.  Or Renee gets what she wants but Todd makes some insightful comment that shows his contempt for her choice, despite helping her do it.

Single  It was okay.  No complaints.  It just seemed sorta young.

She Said  Oh yeah.  There were too many good lines to pull one out.  I liked the rhythm, I liked the idea, I liked the pacing.  Hell, I even liked the punctuation.  My top pick.

-- Do the math.

Is this thing over?

Perferring to read the winner instead.

It was kind of meh. Typical of that author's writing style.

---

"I'm very responsive to certain stimuli, and pain is pretty much at the top of that list." - BadDoggie